drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
