And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
