the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
