A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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