I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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