I could make wine with my vomit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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