***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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