i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
