oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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