The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
