Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well you can't waste a boner
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
