i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Randomize
