Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
