Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
