dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
