the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
