I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
home. puking in laundry basket.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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