I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
