Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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