I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
