do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
