i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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