Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
