Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he had hair everywhere except his balls
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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