I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize