get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
