someone owes me an orgasm
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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