My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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