there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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