just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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