Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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