My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
