you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
