we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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