gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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