we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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