Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
