Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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