Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
