I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
