you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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