i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
