he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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