I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
