If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
