Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
