Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
