remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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