Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
