i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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