Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
