so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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