is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
