I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
