Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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