You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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