Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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