I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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