i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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