i think my tv is drunk
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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