i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
