You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
