member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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