did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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