Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
