I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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