hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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