My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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