I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
