Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
