the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
