why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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