Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
