just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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