I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
did i just pee glitter
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
