he wants to bone in the snuggie
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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